The Marriage of Chani Kaufman by
Eve Harris
This book is
about the marriage of Chani, a 19 year old, who lives in an Ultra Orthodox
Jewish Community in London.
Marriages in
these Ultra Orthodox Communities are usually carried out with many
restrictions. Examples of such
restrictions could be- parents of both sides are the ones to set up the
meetings between the potential couple; only a number of limited meetings are
permitted before deciding whether they want to get married or not; it is
prohibited that the couple touch each other before the wedding, and more. Some youngsters conform with these community
norms very smoothly, whereas others question why things are conducted the way
they are. Some independent thinkers even
try to lead their own personal way, while still trying to preserve their
religious rules.
Chani is one of
those independent thinkers, who doesn't necessarily feel as if she has to go
according to the social norms in her community.
At times she doesn't understand the reasons for the actions that she's
meant to do. The main issue which is
emphasized throughout the book is the process that Chani and her spouse Baruch
go through with regard to their physical relationship, something that they have
never been exposed to before. Each one
of them is full of fears and terrified of what's to come and have many questions
regarding this issue- how things are
meant to work, what would they feel like, and etc.
This story
touched me deeply, since it relates to my profession as a school
counselor. Even though I work in a
secular school I am religious myself and and at times I meet with all
counselors from the Jerusalem region, including those who work in religious
schools. We all put a lot of emphasis on
sexual education with almost all stages, ages and different types of
communities. All would agree upon how
important and necessary it is. Of
course, there's no doubt that different aspects should be taught to the
different types of groups and ages- the amount of exposure to the contents
should vary and so should the way it’s presented to the pupils (provocative via
gentleness). Sexual education is a must
for populations that are exposed (or over- exposed) to the outer world, with
all the ‘sexual provocative messages’ that are thrown around, in- order to
prevent different types of risks and in- order to build ones' self esteem and
own beliefs on who they are in that sense.
On the other hand, when thinking about communities that are more closed
and don't interact with the other sex, it is very important that they get to
know themselves, their bodies, and most importantly, learn basic information on
what they’ll be exposed to one day, building their own thoughts and boundaries.
To me, it was
very disturbing how Chani and Baruch had to face such big emotional
difficulties, when coming together after their wedding. This could've been avoided with a much better
guidance than what they received. At the
end of the day, I was very happy that they managed to overcome the difficulties
and uncertainties in a most mature way.
Nice review! It reminds me of a book I read a few weeks ago- "An Unorthodox Match" by Naomi Ragen (my first ever Ragen book, which I liked and recommend)
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