The Marriage of Chani Kaufman by Eve Harris

                The Marriage of Chani Kaufman by Eve Harris

This book is about the marriage of Chani, a 19 year old, who lives in an Ultra Orthodox Jewish Community in London.

Marriages in these Ultra Orthodox Communities are usually carried out with many restrictions.  Examples of such restrictions could be- parents of both sides are the ones to set up the meetings between the potential couple; only a number of limited meetings are permitted before deciding whether they want to get married or not; it is prohibited that the couple touch each other before the wedding, and more.  Some youngsters conform with these community norms very smoothly, whereas others question why things are conducted the way they are.  Some independent thinkers even try to lead their own personal way, while still trying to preserve their religious rules.

Chani is one of those independent thinkers, who doesn't necessarily feel as if she has to go according to the social norms in her community.  At times she doesn't understand the reasons for the actions that she's meant to do.  The main issue which is emphasized throughout the book is the process that Chani and her spouse Baruch go through with regard to their physical relationship, something that they have never been exposed to before.  Each one of them is full of fears and terrified of what's to come and have many questions regarding this issue-  how things are meant to work, what would they feel like, and etc.

This story touched me deeply, since it relates to my profession as a school counselor.  Even though I work in a secular school I am religious myself and and at times I meet with all counselors from the Jerusalem region, including those who work in religious schools.  We all put a lot of emphasis on sexual education with almost all stages, ages and different types of communities.  All would agree upon how important and necessary it is.  Of course, there's no doubt that different aspects should be taught to the different types of groups and ages- the amount of exposure to the contents should vary and so should the way it’s presented to the pupils (provocative via gentleness).  Sexual education is a must for populations that are exposed (or over- exposed) to the outer world, with all the ‘sexual provocative messages’ that are thrown around, in- order to prevent different types of risks and in- order to build ones' self esteem and own beliefs on who they are in that sense.  On the other hand, when thinking about communities that are more closed and don't interact with the other sex, it is very important that they get to know themselves, their bodies, and most importantly, learn basic information on what they’ll be exposed to one day, building their own thoughts and boundaries.

To me, it was very disturbing how Chani and Baruch had to face such big emotional difficulties, when coming together after their wedding.  This could've been avoided with a much better guidance than what they received.  At the end of the day, I was very happy that they managed to overcome the difficulties and uncertainties in a most mature way.